Dealing with Disappointment, Part I

     Hi, how are you?
I'm bumping this up. I wrote this April 15th, 2011. I'm posting this simply to say hello to those who lost the connection we once had.

     I've moved to a new address.  I hope to see you there. The address is TheAttitudeofGratitude Inn.blogspot.com. It's an easier address than this one to remember.
You can reach the new digs to the inn by clicking here.

 I hope to see you at the new place and I'm wishing you a fantastic Spring, full of gratitudes. To read part two of this series, please click on the link above.

  The Innkeeper

Here's the post:

     I attended a business meeting today that had strong consequences for me.The unsatisfactory outcome didn't surprise me, there's a lot of room for improvement on this employer's part. (I work for several.) I stated what I needed. The powers that be, are responding to my request. One thing I've learned over time is that I need to take responsibility for life's disappointments, even if someone else causes them. Yes, I'm the one responsible for coping with them.
     If I say to a person who upsets me, "until you change from doing x,y and z, I'll be angry, unhappy, (put in your anticipated negative response)_," I'm surrendering my happiness and serenity over to that individual. I've just stated that my joy is based upon their reaction. Not a good deal.  This person may not have the ability, or consciousness to meet my needs. In today's meeting, I was assured that I'll get an answer to my request within a few days. Good, I like that response.
      When facing unsatisfactory circumstances, I consider my options. Applying positive alternatives is crucial for my mental health. If I'm discouraged, I can spend time with good friends. Exercising provides an additional outlet for stress. I can listen to music I love or call a Balcony Person for a supportive ear. Praying, journaling or walking in the countryside are other ways of nurturing myself when frustrated or my nerves are frayed.
      There are many things I can do to have the serenity needed, in order to personally thrive. I'm less exasperated when I'm aware that happiness is a choice; it's not based upon what other people say or do. Focusing on troubles and disappointments only makes them loom larger and more disturbing.  
     Staying in the solution allows me to have an Attitude of Gratitude. Taking constructive action towards overcoming a disappointment allows me to create a better today.

"Acting like a victim is a choice, not a destiny."

  Here's to making healthy choices,

Great Works Are Performed Not By Strength, But By Perseverance

     Hi there, friends,

I'm sorry I've made things difficult for you. I never thought improving the address to the inn would make it hard for many who dropped by this, the original address. I hope you are doing well.

    I've missed seeing you. I'm at a new address. I hope you can make it over there. The address is: theattitudeofgratitudeinn.blog spot.com.

    You can find me and other readers there. If you want to check the new place out, please click here.
     In the meantime, I'll leave you a post I wrote this Monday.

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       Good evening everyone,
Did you have a good Monday? Today was a day off for me.

      Sunday, on my bicycle, I rode twelve miles----one way, through two-and-a-half towns----to meet with friends. It was cold and windy, but it wasn't raining, so I went for it.

      I walked into the place where my friends met, dressed differently than usual.  Wearing running shoes, ripped jeans, my windbreaker and vest seemed to be more sensible garb for today's adventure. No way would I wear a lycra biking outfit. Forget

Acceptance and Difficult Others

   How are you?
I'm bumping this up. This was originally written in this inn last year, 4/17/11.
Keep in mind I've moved to: The Attitude of Gratitude Inn.  Please click here to head over to our new place. Over 310 posts. I'm sure you'll enjoy the place. I hope to see you there.
May you have a great and grateful day.

    The Innkeeper.

In my previous post about acceptance, Thag said:

"Try doing this [having acceptance] when your almost 8-year-old makes weekly mass an exercise in humiliation!"

   Dear Thag,
I imagine it must, at times, be frustrating, raising two young daughters, especially if one is strong-willed. I'm not sure your oldest is, but she might be. Fortunately, none of mine were. I lucked out. There was a time, recently, when I was father to three teenage sons. That season of my life required a degree of grace and wisdom that I often lacked.

     Fortunately, they've turned out to be three magnificent sons. I'm thankful for God's mercy.  I did my best as a parent and turned the results over to Him. I find the following lengthy quote from Dr. Marshall Rosenberg helpful:

'Everything is in a constant process of discovery and creating. Life is intent on finding what works, not what's right'       Margaret Wheatley

It may be best to not look for the "bad," "wrong," or devious motivation for our children's [might I add, anyone's, Ed.] behaviors.Our children are only and always trying to meet their human needs. I try to train myself to look beneath their behavior for the need they are trying to meet, an address that. In this way I will get to the good reason they are doing what they're doing, and I'll also be able to help them choose actions that better serve their needs.

'Feelings of worth can flourish only in an atmosphere where individual differences are appreciated, mistakes are tolerated, communication is open, and rules are flexible.'  

                Virginia Satir

Parents [ and people in general] are sometimes afraid to empathize with their children out of fear that they will then have to "give in" and give their child what they ask for. However, empathy doesn't mean you agree to do anything your child asks. It simply means 'I care about what's going on with you.'

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      Dr. Rosenberg also says,

'As we know, the message we send is not always the message that's received'

Sometimes when we make a request, we can pick up on verbal cues or body  language to determine that the message we sent was received the way we intended. But other times you can tell that whatever you said was "Greek" to the listener. 

To ensure a smooth exchange of information, try getting into the habit of asking the listener to reflect back what they heard you say. They don't have to give a word-for-word recitation, but simply state in their own words what they think you said. By incorporating this  into your conversations, many upsets and misunderstandings can be avoided.

It's also important to express appreciation when your listener tries to meet your request for a reflection. Answering with "That's not what I said" or  "You weren't listening to me" will have the opposite effect. A simple, "I'm grateful to you for telling me what you heard, I can see I didn't make myself as clear as I'd like, so let me try again." No Greek there!

A Helpful Practice

       I try practicing making a request for others tell me what they've heard me say. It's a habit I'm still working on. I also try reflecting back what I hear. Clarifying helps remove confusion.

       How many of my readers would like to join me, in doing so, for this week? If you take up this mini challenge from the innkeeper, please let me know by posting your interest. Thanks!

             Enjoy your week. May it be a great and grateful one!

Related Post:

Responding, Not Reactiing click here.

A Post That I Wrote at The New Address

 I wrote this Monday at the other address. I thought I'd post it here.  Please join me at new place. I'd love seeing you there. 
Here's the link to the new place,The Attitude of Gratitude Inn. Please click here. 

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    Good evening everyone,
How are you? Today was a day off from work. Resting was terrific. The weather was gorgeous. 
My Gratitudes for Monday: 
1. Thank God for restful days where we can take in the beauty that surrounds us and invigorate our souls.
    Investing in myself----being alone, was fantastic. I'm usually with others.  Decompressing from the hectic activities of the previous week was a well-earned break.  I  can be alone, but its been decades since I've been lonely---since I was fourteen. (I believe we are lonely when we cease to be at peace with ourselves.) 
2.   I'm grateful for the richness my life has. Good friends, a beautiful town where I live, a great bike, loving sons and a close relationship with God, He's my friend, He loves me unconditionally and He's patient with me. And I love my job.
    I showed up at a business in another town at 8:00 a.m., this morning I hoped to get my BlueTooth. Over the weekend I left it there. They had it. Ya ay! 
    I celebrated recovering this small devise, that allows me to hear voices and to all appearances, makes me look like I'm talking to myself. I enjoyed a leisurely breakfast at a local restaurant, taking notes while studying the subject of trauma, book in over-medium, egg-stained hands. (I didn't need my yellow highlighter, the pages did stick together, however.)
3. I'm thankful for learning as a young man to be grateful for everything, including little things. The BlueTooth I use  is sophisticated and expensive. I'm glad I don't take things for granted. 
4. I studied at a library in another city, San Leandro.
I loved the peace, silence, joy and calmness I felt during time spent among stacks of books. Being there allowed me to stay present and get "centered."
  What I learned will help me in my work with others and my own personal growth----how to deal with the "Bad Parent" voice that often assails us. I also studied how we can thrive while dealing with a controlling person. Good stuff.  I was in a bit of a fog as I studied---I went to bed at 12:30 a.m. this morning and awoke at 5:00 a.m., but I pushed on. 
    A nap called my name when afternoon rolled around. But, first things first. I took care of my body by walking for an hour while visiting with friends on the phone, using the newly recovered BlueTooth.
    Dogs barked, construction workers, out in the front yard, refurbishing an old home looked at me as I circled the block six times, speaking into the air, so it seemed.  At least they did not jump away as I walked by them.  
    Oh my. The weather was amazing. Prototypical absolutely fabulous weather. In the 70's, with NO humidity, a light breeze making the stroll just wonderful. 
5. I'm glad I invested in taking care of my body. Talking on the phone today was a great time to get busy, physically. 
6.  I can't wait to get on my bike tomorrow morning. Pedaling out my frustrations invigorates me and helps me sleep better. I now have a computer attached to my bicycle.
      I look forward to seeing progress as I attack the streets on two wheels. The beautiful weather we have here, in the San Francisco Bay Area and the lovely homes in my neighborhood, as well as riding along the beach, makes for a fantastic time.   
    How about you? What do you do, to invest in your health, both physically and mentally? What are three things that you are grateful for? You can see, I've listed six. 
    I'd love hearing what makes your heart sing and puts a smile upon your lips. 

     Hello everyone,
Just a reminder, I've moved to a better address: The Attitude of Gratitude Inn. I look forward to seeing you there.  In the meantime, I'll leave a recent post in this, the former location of the inn of positivity and hope.

Money will buy a fine dog, but only love will make him wag his tail 
Image byTim blessed. "Countryside:Sunlit Canal Path" Copyrighted photo. All rights reserved,
 used by permission.  

      How are you?
Today, the weather was fabulous.  Met with friends and enjoyed lunch with them. It was a great day of relaxation and fellowship.

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      I'm thankful for heeding my intuition. While getting to know someone, the caution flag of discernment persistently prodded my consciousness.  In younger years, its voice was